What’s your best TL;DR that’s misunderstood, yet accurate? – reddit repost

2012.11.17 07:49:17 by andy category : reddit&4ch Tags :funny text tl;dr

I was 22 and driving home at roughly midnight, maybe a bit later. As I pulled into my neighborhood, which was your average middle class neighborhood, I saw a teenage girl sitting on the curb with her head in her hands, obviously crying. I circled back around, turned my dome light on so she could at least see me, and stopped next to her to ask if she needed anything. Sobbing, she asked to borrow my cell phone, which I handed to her. Before she could use it, I asked her if she needed a ride anywhere. She gleamed and immediately jumped in my car. Turns out she had been over at the house of a guy down the street. Apparently he tried to force himself on her, and when she kept refusing he got angry and kicked her out of the house. She had ridden there with him, so had no car, and no cell phone. I asked her where she needed to go and she told me her mom worked at a hotel across town, so I took her there and dropped her off. TL;DR: When I was 22, I picked up a 15 year old girl on the side of the road and took her to a hotel.

My parents met in prison/mental institution. Both worked in the prison system as administration and got married. Always great saying that my parents met in jail and seeing the looks I get.

As a guy that used to work in a jail, I like this one.

TL;DR i got picked up by the police while drunk with a 14 year old girl. Similar story to OPs. I was walking home from the train station at 2am after having left my car in the city after a big night. It's a rather long walk, so I stopped at a vacant bus shelter for a minute. After sitting for 2 minutes, swearing off alcohol for life, a car stops at the lights down the road and a young girl jumps out of the car and runs up to me crying "he's fucking crazy, help me please". Being drunk and of unsound judgment I advanced menacingly on the car and told the obviously high occupant what I though of people who are driving round with underage girls and bad intentions. Luckily he drove off instead of stabbing me. After sitting at the bus stop with this girl for 10 minutes letting her use my mobile to try and contact someone a police car rolled past, and after explaining the situation to them they dropped me off at home and drove her to her aunty's house.

Luckily he drove off instead of stabbing me Well that's always good.

in bel-air?

It was just one little fight :/

I worked with a girl who was about 15 or 16 at the time (I was in my late 20's), who lived in the same area of the city as I did. We were getting off of work one Friday night and I offered her a ride home, but told her that I was waiting for some of my friends to meet up with me at the store. We were waiting outside, and she asked if she could change into shorts in the back of my car. I said sure, turned my back to the vehicle, and let her change. Saturday I noticed that she left her pants in the back of my car, but had a busy weekend so I figured I'd bring them into work on Monday. Monday comes, I walk into the lunchroom holding them in my hand, see her sitting at the table, throw them at her and say "Here, you left your pants in my car Friday night". Only to then hear everyone gasp and realize what it was that I just said. TL;DR: Threw pants at a minor saying she left them in my car Friday night

What was your next reaction?

Just to laugh actually. I think she was far more embarrassed than I was at that point.

Similarly – I had just dropped my daughter off at her mother's, in a not-bad area of town, on a Sunday night. ~8PM, I'm driving a few blocks away, and this young-looking girl sticks out her thumb by the side of one of the main routes. I'm doing nothing else, so I stop and pick up the hitch-hiker. Ask her where she's going. "To work." Where's that? "Just keep going, over the bridge, I'll tell you where to turn. Do you mind if I crack this king can?" Uh, sure? As she starts brushing her hair, prettying up, and I'm trying to make small talk about what job (I assumed some factory position, based on the area I was heading towards) she was heading to. Then she asks me to stop at a dingy corner with nothing on it, stops and asks, "… unless you want something more…?" NOPE'd out, went home, parked – and only then noticed the used day-glo condom she'd left wrapped around my shifter. TL;DR: picked up a prostitute, dropped her off after I was done.

I say TL;DR: Picked up a prostitute, took her for a ride. Would be better Edit: My highest upvoted comment is about taking a prostitute for a ride.

Yeah, possibly. Edit: Or, TL;DR: picked up prostitute, used condom.

tl;dr: I dragged an unconscious 17-year-old girl into my ride, cut all her clothes off, and ran my hands all over her body. Explanation: I'm an EMT.

TL;DR: I gave some chick some drugs, she passes out, then I shoved my tube down her throat. So many EMS ones. Have an upvote, sir.

tl;dr I was hunted by a dragon. One night when I was in college we decided it would be a fantastic idea to go to the park that's nearby campus at midnight. Where drug deals and murders and shit happen. Not our brightest idea, but whatever. What takes the cake is that my friend got it into his head that he should wear a cloak and bring along a fake sword (made out of foam, so it didn't look particularly realistic, but even so). So we were in the park for a bit, and decide to leave. On the way out, two cop cars pull up on either side of us with the lights flashing, and the police officers get out and ask us what we were doing. We told them the story. One of the officers looks at my friend and asks something along the lines of "You playin' that D&D shit or something? Because you were about to have an epic dragon bite you on the ass," and points behind us, where a K-9 unit materializes out of the bushes. The officer then proceeded to take my friend's fake sword and show us some moves with it.

Awesome cop right there.

Badass cop of the week. And his probably lovable, extremely canine looking dragon pal

tl;dr: I shot a 17 year old when I was 14. Parents go out of town leaving three teen children home alone. The teen children throw a party. 15 year old sister gets drunk off like 4 beers, she can barely stand–some asshole takes her into her bedroom when he thinks no one is paying attention. Just about the time dude gets his pants down, I walk in with 4 friends and a pellet gun. The guy thinks it's a high power rifle and starts freaking, literally begging for his life–he has no idea it's just a single pump pellet gun (barely functional) that couldn't even puncture a aluminium can. We take him prisoner, confiscate his pants (he still had undies) and bring him into the back yard. It was February and the pool was about 45 degrees F. Time to swim jackass, shove him in the pool–three minutes later he's shivering like all hell, now crying. We let him out, blindfold him and ask him if he has any last words. He does, they are all about how sorry he is, how he was only going to "kiss" and how he doesn't want to die. We assure him that he'll be painted as a drunk who found my dad's gun an tried to rape my sister at gun-point, we assure him we'll get off scot-free…he literally faints, falls to the ground. I cock my pellet gun and shoot him straight in the ass, it bounces off but leaves a decent little welt. As he wakes up he feels the sting, we tell him he's bleeding from the first shot. The guy goes into pure survival mode at this point, he starts screaming for help, runs, jumps the back fence with only his underwear on.

This was highly entertaining to read. Felt like a scene in an 80's or 90's teen movie.

I think you just made my night.

tl;dr I uppercutted a five year old. I was volunteering at this camp, and they had a two story castle play thing. I jumped up to high five this kid on the second story and as I was bringing my hand up another kid comes running out of the first story. I'm pretty sure he got some air. Amazingly, he was completely unfazed. New tl;dr I punch like a girl.



I was working as a Train Driver's Assistant, back when British Rail existed. Welwyn Garden City freight yard, picking up freight cars for Ely Depot (back when Whitemoor Depot was one of the largest depots in Europe). It was as foggy as all fuck, and the driver (a short man from Hitchin TCSOP) had trouble keeping his foot on the deadman's peddle pedal of the Class 31 diesel loco we were in (with half the train attached to the loco between us and the rest of the train) and seeing the Bardic Lamp signals from the guard. I offered to hop out of the cab and shout what the lights were, but the driver said the split second between a red hand signal and our stopping could be too late and we could derail some cars. So he had some bright idea about having me go to the station office and asking for some string. His plan was that he wanted to tie the string to the handles (referred to universally as "cocks") and control them that way. So I went to the office and explained the train driver's plan. I got the string, and it worked. I didn't think it would, but it did. TL;DR – the train driver and I wanted to tie our cocks together. And it went better than expected. EDIT – spelling.

Tl;dr tied our cocks together and ran a train

TIL men tie their cocks together in my home town.

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